It's Not Personal
A man rowed a small boat upstream, heading toward home, when he felt another small boat, heading downstream, collide with his boat. Since he had the right of way, he felt angry. Turning, he yelled at the other boatman, "Watch where you're going! Be more careful!"
The other man apologized, and passed by without further incident. But an hour later, as the man continued upstream, he felt another boat collide with his. Furious, he turned to yell at the reckless person. His anger vanished when he saw that they boat was empty---it must have come loose from its moorings. Calmly, he pushed it aside and continued on his journey.
He never lost his temper again, because from then on, he treated everyone like an empty boat.
In Don Miguel Ruiz's book, The Four Agreements, he speaks of the many agreements we have made with ourselves and others over the course of our lifes, the most important of which are those we have made with ourselves; the ones where we tell ourselves who we are, what we feel, how we behave and things we can and cannot do. To live with joy, sometimes we need to break some of these agreements that are responsible for our suffering, fear and unhappiness. He offers 4 powerful agreements to reclaim power from these damaging contracts. The second of these is called "Dont Take Anything Personally."
"Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world."
It's really quite a powerful agreement, when I catch myself doing this, to remember that I'm not responsible for what other people think, or "setting them right" and especially that I'm not responsible for what they feel. Whether they think I'm brilliant, stupid, compassionate or cold, really has very little, if anything at all to do with me. And when I forget this, I'm usually setting myself up to suffer, in one way or another. And even though I have some deep agreements around these issues that sometimes come back to surface, I'll always remember, minutes, days, or sometimes weeks after, this powerful corrective. Either through the story, the agreement, or the saying: "We are as free as we allow the freedom of others."
The other man apologized, and passed by without further incident. But an hour later, as the man continued upstream, he felt another boat collide with his. Furious, he turned to yell at the reckless person. His anger vanished when he saw that they boat was empty---it must have come loose from its moorings. Calmly, he pushed it aside and continued on his journey.
He never lost his temper again, because from then on, he treated everyone like an empty boat.
In Don Miguel Ruiz's book, The Four Agreements, he speaks of the many agreements we have made with ourselves and others over the course of our lifes, the most important of which are those we have made with ourselves; the ones where we tell ourselves who we are, what we feel, how we behave and things we can and cannot do. To live with joy, sometimes we need to break some of these agreements that are responsible for our suffering, fear and unhappiness. He offers 4 powerful agreements to reclaim power from these damaging contracts. The second of these is called "Dont Take Anything Personally."
"Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world."
It's really quite a powerful agreement, when I catch myself doing this, to remember that I'm not responsible for what other people think, or "setting them right" and especially that I'm not responsible for what they feel. Whether they think I'm brilliant, stupid, compassionate or cold, really has very little, if anything at all to do with me. And when I forget this, I'm usually setting myself up to suffer, in one way or another. And even though I have some deep agreements around these issues that sometimes come back to surface, I'll always remember, minutes, days, or sometimes weeks after, this powerful corrective. Either through the story, the agreement, or the saying: "We are as free as we allow the freedom of others."
Touche'
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