The Inverse Power of Praise

Some curious new research about how kids that have been told (justifiably or not) that they are smart, may be handicapped from developing abilities that aren't immediately easy. Some quotes and references follow. But the timing is interesting. I've been doing more research lately on some new currents in psychology. May inflict a write-up on ya later, but a short synopsis on one aspect of it pertinent to this thread are some thoughts on self-esteem.

Self-esteem is a type of "immune system" for the psyche. It's how we feel about ourselves and appears to operate on two poles. Well-being at one end of the pole and Confidence on the other; an optimal place being a good balance of each.

Well-being type esteem is connected with assertiveness and a good sense of boundaries. The more awareness someone has of what is controlled by them (their own thoughts, body, emotions), that is 100% theirs, versus what they don't control (others, environment, politics, weather, etc.) = 0% control. Trying to control what we don't equates to suffering. Abdicating what we do control, is letting people push our buttons and being victims of random stimuli. Strong fences make good neighbors :-) Having strong boundaries and a locus of control within ourselves provides a solid foundation for well-being; a place where our needs are being met and don't depend on the actions of people or circumstances outside of ourselves to be under our control. We may try to artificially give our kids this type of esteem, well-being, by loaning them our own boundaries; by meeting their needs outside of themselves, beyond the time they need to be developing their own sometimes.

The second pole of self-esteem is confidence. Confidence is created by courage; by making decisions and acting in areas that we feel anxiety or fear but doing it anyway. The degree of anxiety relates directly to the degree of confidence gained. It doesn't matter whether the outcome is positive or not, making the decision and the action itself was the key to the power exchange. Combined with good boundaries, we generate unassailable esteem.

Anyway, on with the original thread...

"When parents praise their children’s intelligence, they believe they are providing the solution to this problem. According to a survey conducted by Columbia University, 85 percent of American parents think it’s important to tell their kids that they’re smart. In and around the New York area, according to my own (admittedly nonscientific) poll, the number is more like 100 percent. Everyone does it, habitually. The constant praise is meant to be an angel on the shoulder, ensuring that children do not sell their talents short.

But a growing body of research—and a new study from the trenches of the New York public-school system—strongly suggests it might be the other way around. Giving kids the label of “smart” does not prevent them from underperforming. It might actually be causing it."

How Not to Talk to Your Kids

And how learning to deal with set-backs may be much more valuable than an intrinsic sense of ability.