10 Traits of Elders I've Admired

I believe it was Tao who made a comment once that *we* are becoming the new "elders." Which got me thinking today about the legacy of grandparents, parents, uncles and aunts and family living and dead. I feel deeply blessed to know and have known some of these Characters (with a capital "C".) I doubt I will ever live up to the collective bar that they've set. The traits that follow are those I remember having the biggest impact on me, on many levels. These were seldom things they talked about explicitly, like most of us growing up I suspect, we are more influenced by what people are and do than what they say. Here's some of the things these special people were, and are, woven deep into the fabric of their very beings.

1. Authenticity. Some elders always seemed to have a deep responsibility for their own actions; they were comfortable living in their own skins, warts and all. While they could appear opinionated and stubborn, they expected the same from you, and respected it when you stood up to them with your own convictions. But they could also take you to task if your opinions were based on parroting others without much personal thought.
   
   
2. Reserve. Accruing a lifetime of experience can convince some that they have seen and understand everything, but what impressed me with these exceptional elders was often a soft reluctance to judge behaviors or situations. Expecting, or perhaps fearing, the same reaction as parents or teachers, I was often surprised that an elder's stance wasn't as black and white, and they could toss something back into my court to see how I felt about it, giving me a little breathing room to decide on my own, without the appearance of any hidden agenda that I'd be judged on my decision, one way or another. Kind of smacked me in the face with the idea that stuff that seems to matter a lot to others, may not actually be that important overall, that it was up to me to decide what had an impact, or not, in my life.
   
   
3. Compassion. Regardless of where I currently stood in their approval ratings, some elders just radiated a deep and unconditional compassion for the very fact that I was me. This phenomenal undercurrent stood in stark contrast to my ordinary dealings with society, culture and cliques of adolescence where all acceptance was conditional and there were always requirements for being worthy. I never realized how incredible this experience was until later in life.
   
   
4. Humor. Not taking themselves seriously. They could find entertainment in their own foibles, they would poke fun at my own annoyance at being taken less than seriously until I finally got it too. It was a valuable lesson, learning an emotional imprint that when things are just falling apart in spite of, or likely because of, one's best efforts, that a valid response is to burst out laughing. No matter how "inappropriate" the circumstance.
   
   
5. Play. There was always a sparkle in their eyes, that I know connected to me at whatever age. They could jump down on the floor to play a game of jacks, or cheat in a game of CandyLand with equal aplomb. They'd make up games, or make up rules to games you thought you already knew and were, basically, just plain mischievous. It gave me a deep appreciation for the value of playful mischief and keeping watch for opportunities to employ it. And when one looks for it, as they did, there are more opportunities than one thinks. And there is more to mischief than meets the eye.
   
   
6. Stories. I don't know if it was because of the deep Irish vein that runs in the family tree but they've have always had colorful stories. Either their own incredible experiences or stuff they just made up on the fly. And often you wouldn't know you'd been captured in a story until it you were already deep under its spell. And if they really wanted to tell you something important, it wouldn't be in a lecture, or a list of 10 things, it would be in a story.
   
   
7. Strength. This impressed me a lot when I was young. But I didn't recognize all of its dimensions until I was older. They take things head-on. Although they were often clever about it, they weren't sneaky. And if the situation was based on some injustice you may be singed through proximity of their divine wrath. But I think it was the small things that left the deepest impression. Problems were something they expected, they thought about before hand, and they dispatched as a matter of course. Obstacles weren't something that generally stopped them, or even slowed them down much. There weren't too many doors that were closed for them and they'd come up with ingenious solutions, even if they had to crawl through the window or burn down the house. Which, of course, created more stories.
   
   
8. Relationships. A friend at work said recently that she didn't like romance movies because they all usually ended where real relationships just start. Some elders have had relationships that grew apart, others that grew together, but what I learned overall seemed to be that the best ones were based on deep and enduring friendships between compatible souls along with an independence of spirit that kept the friendship fresh.
   
   
9. Passion in what they were doing. One elder once gave me advice that if I did what I really liked, I'd never work a day in my life. This was something he certainly lived, as well as did other elders. It skewed my perspective in a way that hasn't made me very sympathetic to people who complain about their jobs or stations in life. These elders never seem to get bored, they were always curious about people or things and there never seemed to be enough time in the day to do all the things they wanted to do. So they usually got up ungodly early.
   
   
10. Moral compass. They held and hold themselves accountable to their own standards. These weren't necessarily the standards of a formal religion but they had matured their own understanding of their role in this existence and their responsibilities to themselves and others for their behavior. They didn't have loopholes, for themselves or anyone else. It wasn't so much a set of rules they followed as a code in their very nature, a sense of right and wrong and goodness that was rooted in personal integrity.
    

They've left some big shoes to fill for all of us newbie elders, I suppose I could feel daunted, and I do, but mostly I feel grateful. Thank you my elders, my deepest respect and love.