Change of Routine

My bad habits are sporadically dying. Over the last several weeks, I have been easing into several changes. Abandoned my WOW and SL accounts. Dropped Rhapsody. Subscribed to Safari. Packed up all the books I need to return to the office, until I ran out of boxes. At the same time, started releasing all the focus that was wrapped up in enterprise concerns and started doing more compelling personal projects.

Excited at the blocks of time I can devote to learning, one of my favorite hobbies. But I like to learn stuff that has hands-on application. Dropping my old corporate computer languages (yeah, you java) and picking up Python. Studying design. Got back into martial arts in a fun class. Yoga in the late mornings, followed by lounging in the sauna and/or steam room. Becoming a meditation junkie. In the morning I sit up in bed, massage the kidney points in my feet, do a couple of sun salutations, hindu squats and pushups, then sit on my cushion letting go of each and every thought that tries to grab my attention. The feeling is awesome.

I have some weight to lose, so cleaning up my eating patterns (although once a week I will eat _whatevar_.) Escape in diversions is losing it lustre, since I can choose my attractions instead. Writing poetry again, and making art, journaling (for you internet kids, this is like a blog, but only I can read it :-) Going on dates with bright-eyes. Opening my social circles again.

I've talked with several "retirees" asking them what they've learned about the process. Most of the feedback doesn't seem to apply. "Not setting the alarm clock!" I rarely set it anyway. "Not having my day structured." It wasn't structured before, and it isn't now. "Finding things to do." No problem there. "Losing a piece of identity that came from a role at work" Never took my identity at work, or anything associated with it, with much seriousness anyway.

What I'm finding though (not yet retired, but a couple of weeks as a dry run) is the fun iin creating an ideal day. Releasing all that stuff put on hold until I didn't have to work. And sequencing it, sheesh, can't do everything at once. Becoming fluent in Japanese was pushed out a few months. But I have a good plan for accomplishing it. This is fascinating. I love more effective ways to learn things.

But what of all of this? I find my will has become a bit flaccid, using work as an excuse for not devoting more time to my dreams and deep interests. It's also odd in that the last few discussions like these, polling retirees for insight, were topics centered around health worries and issues. I know this is a serious issue for many of my family as well, and I am concerned about them. And my friends. But not so much for myself. My goal is not to maximize the quantity of my years, but the quality of my time. It's not important that my "identity" continues when I leave, but I don't know fully what that means.

In India, there is a custom for people to pick up their spiritual pursuits after retirement, when they can devote their full attention to understanding the role of mortality in existence. For some, of course, this comes too late, but that's the ideal anyway. And I've had too many strange experiences, in my short span, to dismiss what we live in as anything but a deep mystery (as has most of my weird family! Some of us were probably burned at the stake in a past life, including sleepyelf and Merry, thus the obsession with roasting marshmallows. I've never seen my siblings actually "roast" these, they always set the whole thing on fire, lol) I'm not obsessed with figuring it out though, but I do want to experience it more deeply, and more attentively. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but there is a big reconfiguration going on in my head, just outside of consciousness, and I'm curious what will emerge from it.